Would You Rather.... (read all the way)

• sleep for a full day and be awake the rest of the week, or sleep normally??
• lie on a bed of needles or walk over coal?
• eat rocky mountain oysters or have a spider walk on you?
• be tan and have dry skin or be pale and have moist skin?
• be deaf or blind?
• do 2000 hours of community service or spend 4 days in prison?
• give up chocolate forever or have permanent health?
• have cancer at 20 and have 6 months to do whatever, or get cancer at 65 and have a year?
• die for the world, or for the ones most precious to you?
• try and survive a concentration camp or be a torturer within one?
• see a loved one suffer till death or be the one to perform euthanasia?
• be popular but a liar, or lose friends over things you stand firm on?
• love only one person forever or love all people temporarily?
• be told everyone hated you or have people lie to you and pretend they liked you
• see a loved one suffer severe consequences they deserve or take their pains and consequences on yourself even though you're innocent?
  
• forgive, knowing they'd never accept it, or not forgive and give them what they deserved?
• live a life of "fun" and spend eternity in hell or live the most awful, poverty-stricken, unhappy life and spend eternity in heaven?
• believe there was a God and find out there wasn't one or not believe and find out He was real?

A rant, if you will.

I apologize to any of my readers in advanced. This will be a stupid, pointless, girly rant. So please do yourselves a favor and don't read this if you're not up for being annoyed with me. :) 

I say this for your own good. lol. 

This weekend was interesting. It was good... kinda. My cousin got married and I loved the ceremony, I made new friends, and her husband is awesome. I couldn't be happier for her. Of course, the thorny side of witnessing such a beautiful thing is that inevitable longing to be in a relationship. I really miss being in one. But more than that, I really miss having someone to look after me. And not having to fend for myself all the time. I know, I know... Christ looks after me and protects me more than I know of. I KNOW THAT. But that doesn't mean I know it, think about it, and *poof* the longing disappears. If that were the case I'd be perfectly fine, this blog probably wouldn't exist, and you all would be spared my incoherent and pointless thoughts. O, if life were so easy. But I really do just need to get this out of my head and onto something else so it's not preoccupying my mind too much. 

The best thing about this weekend was seeing my dad. I love my dad more than most people. He gives me wise words and quiet love all the time. He makes me laugh, he comforts me when I cry. He is a father that I wish every other child could have. Spending time with him this weekend made the whole weird emotions thing worth it. I really miss him a lot already. Hugs from my dad are the most comforting thing ever. And saying good-bye to him is one of the worse feelings I know. 

I learned a lot about my family. Never tick off a Yoon woman. Seriously... that saying "Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned" has never been truer. You laugh at that: but it's not a good thing. They don't know how to forgive. If someone is wrong about anything or insulting in any way, forgiveness is the last thing on their minds. And to me, it was shocking to see the utter unforgiveness. On our way to the wedding, it was raining. When it rains in NYC, cabs don't exist unless you caught one right when it started. So we paid, fairly cheaply, for a limosine to take us there. Yeah... what?? Anyways, the man didn't really know where he was going. He wasn't a taxi driver, after all. But we did end up being 20 minutes late or so. And yes, I was annoyed. But everyone else was PEEVED beyond all reason and saying some really unforgiving things about this man they didn't know-- who was trying to be as sweet as possible. I'm sure he already felt stupid. I felt so bad for him. It was heartbreaking to see the absolute pride that each of them held. It's the reason for all the drama in our family that already exists, which I will NOT go into detail about. 

O and a few of my cousins are into some really weird stuff. For example, two of them (who are married) have a painting in their house. Juan showed me a picture of this painting. And it was DISTURBING. It was a baby, with the head of a lamb, pinned to a cross. It was very dark, and it honestly makes me fear them a little bit. I've always seen signs of them being into some really weird stuff, but I denied it-- thinking that I was just jumping to conclusions. I'm older and smarter now, and unfortunately, less able to ignore such things. Ignorance is bliss. 

And my best friend, bless her soul, is now officially in a relationship. Again. She broke up with someone a little while ago. And I was glad for it because it was an unhealthy relationship. But now she's in that honeymoon phase all over again. I just can't help but ask: why not me? She gets all this attention from guys and God forbid that I be spared from being told about ANY of them. I know I'm not supposed to compare myself with her. For the most part I don't. It's just that it's annoying to be called and only hear about John this and John that, blah-dee-freaking-dah! UGH! I mean I truly, honestly am SO incredibly happy to see her this happy. It lifts my day, it honestly does. But it was a lot after seeing a wedding, saying bye to my dad, and then hearing about all this-- on top of me feeling lonely and feeling stupid for feeling lonely. I am happy for her, please don't get me wrong on that. It's just that she has no idea what's going on in my life because she doesn't ask about my life anymore and I can barely get a word in edge-wise. She's not interested in my life at the moment. And I understand that, I'm going to let her have her girly freak outs. Because we need them. Good and bad. 

Like this one. I need this. Don't give me advice, I MIGHT smash a lamp over your head. I may be a forgiving person mostly, but I am still a Yoon woman. And trust me, you DO NOT want to be on this side of me. Thank goodness I haven't taken it out on anyone. I dont know who I'd take it out on-- no one deserves it. I just need to get it out, so low and behold, I write a blog that no one will read. And I still think that someone MIGHT read it, and so I get my gratification of venting out indirectly. Beautiful isn't it? Crazy as to what I consider beautiful right now. I am unbelievably irritable right now. I'm glad no one is on the receiving end. Please, for your sake, don't piss me off right now. This is my rant, my vent, my irrational splendor of psychological messiness. 

Beautiful. Not. 

Whatever. That's how I feel. Whatever. 

And now I will attempt to shut up. Hoping that my mind will do the same. 

I freaking hate life sometimes. 

NEW ZEALAND!

I'M STUDYING ABROAD IN NEW ZEALAND!!!!!!!!!

I love...

• Quiet moments with my Lord and Savior
• warm, summer rains and running around and jumping in puddles, fully clothed. 
  
• classes that really stimulate my mind
• ridiculously stupid youtube videos
• tight, squeezing hugs
• being picked up by guys in a hug-- those are my favorite
• cool mornings with a slight breeze
• the sound of a creek
• sitting in the one sunny spot in a forest
• music. 
• singing at the top of my lungs
• daydreaming
• chicken fingers
• getting my nails done
• dancing. I really do... swing, salsa, and just random jumping around
• chocolate. mmmm
• my punk clothing, jewelry, accessories
• cuddling
• reading all day inside when its cold and/or raining out
• sleeping in as long as I can
• long, hot showers
• living in DC!
• dogs. omgosh I love them
• kids/babies
• Calculus. Seriously, i love it. it's fun. 
• Finding out something was worth it

WHOA INAUGURATION!

PHEW! 

Life in DC from the 18th-20th has been particularly interesting and out of the ordinary! 

Only now is life returning to the usual, boring routine of classes, rehearsals, blah, blah, blah... 

I feel really cool to be a resident of Washington, DC. I've said it a million times and I'll say it again-- I absolutely LOVE living here! Where else can someone walk down the street and see the opening Inaugural ceremony at the Lincoln Memorial and watch actors and singers speak and perform? 

It's so interesting talking to people outside of this city. I really feel like they're ignorant as to what's really going on. My mom is still convinced that Obama got elected because he is black and that the only people who don't like him are racist--what?! 

Obama got elected for several reasons: But I think it's mainly because he promises change from George Bush's administration and policies. No one wants Bush anymore and what's more promising than a young, charismatic, and America-loving person? He just happened to be African-American and make history. 

It's so interesting to see just how worlds apart I am from home... and it's only 1800 miles. CRAZY! 

2009 school year!!

Well classes have officially started and are well on their way! 

And I gotta say.. I have a nose for good classes! 

Multivariable Calculus is going to be fun. I'm so excited!! 

Abnormal Psych... with the abnormal teacher. SO funny.. she cracks me up. 

Criminology will be with my favorite  professor

Socio-cultural Anthro--- I LOVE my professor! He's SO awesome. If I were like 30 years older I'd have a crush on him. lol. 

And choir and voice lessons of course. 

O and swimming.. holy cow I'm taking 7 classes. But three of them are kind of lame-sauce classes so whatever. 

I think this semester is going to be really fun. Stressful yes. BUT I think it's going to be really good. I'm finally getting to the point where I'm studying the things that I am interested in. I'm no longer studying things that people tell me to study simply because they want me to. I don't have required classes that have nothing to do with what I WANT to do. I mean, I know that is useful knowledge and its good for high school and middle school minds. But all through high school, all I could think was, "Man I can't wait to get out there and start studying the things that I WANT to study!" And here we are! It's kind of a dream come true... lame dream. But one that many people don't have the opportunity to fulfill. Once again I find myself thanking God for letting me live in America with a good and supportive family. 

This is it. This is my life now. I'm studying things that have to do with people, culture, and crime. And I LOVE it. 

2009

... is off to a start. 

Neither good nor bad. But nothing disastrous has happened to me (so far). So that's definitely something to be thankful for. :)

Last night was fun. A bunch of my church friends and I went downtown for the 9 pm fireworks show. (Which was LAMMMEE). But after that we all came to my house for movies, food, and pool. It was fun-celebrating New Years with some of my closest and best friends. It was good. 

Andrea spent the night so she wouldn't die at 2 in the morning by drunk driver. And the morning was great to just hang out and talk and whatnot. She and I are a lot alike. And I love that. I relate to her more than most people in my life. Which is why we get along so well. Yay Andrea! 

2009 is here, whether we like it or not. 

Here we go: the first 21 hours of 2009 for me. 

CONS:

-My best friend and her boyfriend of three year broke up a few days ago. 

---she's heartbroken and so is he. They're both needing companionship and love. They both still want it from each other-but know that it's not possible. Being a mutual friend, I am helping out both sides and I love them both. I will always be there for both of them. But it's difficult seeing two friends I love suffer through pain. 

-My friend Manuel and I want to hang out but it may be very difficult since I leave on Tuesday. 

-I've been feeling incredibly and increasingly lonely for the past few days.

PROS:

-I wrote a lullaby today. :)

-My family and I have had a great day so far.

-I have had time to read for fun-something that doesn't happen at school

-My friends rock

It's a good year I think. So far. Hahaha--the first 21 hours at least. :D

Hello 2009--I hope we get along.