Church was ok. I love worship and singing and all but my voice is shot from doing two consecutive a cappella concerts and now I sound like a frog getting run over by a truck every morning. O, don't worry. By mid-day it gets to sound only like a sick frog on the side of the road.
I am finding issues with my church. We never just read through a book of the Bible and interpret it--it's what we do at home, in Colorado at my home church. It's what I'm used to. I honestly do feel like God wanted me at this church in DC last year but lately I feel like something is changing. I don't know if He wants me to stay and bring opinions to the table. Or if He wants me to find a new church. Either way I just need to pray through this. I feel like this is such a big decision that I need to really think through this and let God take the reigns. He's kind of in charge after all.
On top of that I think my a cappella group had the worse gig ever today.
Ever.
My buddy Dave got us the gig for this Christian group. All we had to do was sing some Christmas carols and entertain the kids, say thanks and get outta there. Nope. That's not what happened. We don't normally do Christmas carols. We did not sound good. We couldn't get right pitches. (We also didn't have a pitch-pipe). And rhythms were always wrong--completely my bad. But because we didn't know these songs we just sounded awful. It was funny in an "this is the most embarrassing thing I've ever done" kind of way. And of course, because it was the first time as the new music director that I directed a gig by myself I can't help but correlate the bad gig to my being director. I know it's ridiculous. But I can't help it. I know that pitches were wrong because we didn't have a pitch pipe and because we didn't know these songs. I know rhythms were wrong because we've done these carols like once before and the rhythms are always different. I know that we only had like 10 people. *sigh* I know it's not my fault. I just feel that with this position I have more of a responsibility now and that I have to claim responsibility over that awful gig. Thank goodness we weren't getting paid. I would have returned the money and apologized.
But I've been getting encouragement from different members of the group. I don't think I have authority quite yet because our real music director (who is studying abroad next semester-hence me taking over) hasn't left yet. I think once he is gone it'll become a serious thing. Right now I'm just freaking out. I hope that I don't screw this semester up. I hope Matt comes back and sees that I've done an awesome job and stuff... one can hope.
I know I can do this. I just need to calm down. Really. Because God's in charge of this too. And I know and trust in that. I just need to breathe and let go. I'm not music director yet. Not as long as this semester is in session. Three days till Colorado and Lord knows how I can't wait.
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